funny quotes

Communism is like one big phone company.Lenny Bruce

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.Lenny Bruce

When you're eight years old nothing is your business.Lenny Bruce

You get weird, funny requests on Twitter. With our fan club, I was seeing a lot of fans were having some issue with the way the fan club tickets were being handled in one of the shows. So I was able to correspond with that fan, and be like, 'Listen, we'll be on it.'Luke Bryan

I don't want to go and start trying to make jokes in places like India, Tanzania or Iraq. Afghanistan is not a funny place.Bill Bryson

I'm not funny in person. I mean I'm really not. I'm one of those people who always screw up anecdotes.Bill Bryson

In a funny way, nothing makes you feel more like a native of your own country than to live where nearly everyone is not.Bill Bryson

The real problem you get with humour is that you only have so many kinds of jokes within you, and you mine that vein a lot. This isn't just common to me; it's anybody who's funny.Bill Bryson

I am a candid interview and I have a dark and dry sense of humor - a very Canadian sense of humor and I am only learning now stupidly that you can't read tongue. When I say something funny in a newspaper and I meant it to be funny, it doesn't read that way.Michael Buble

I think back to some of the things Harry said and some of the things I said trying to be funny. If I said them now, it would be on the front page of every newspaper in the country.Jack Buck

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.Warren Buffett

I will do comedy until the day I die: inappropriate comedy, funny comedy, gender-bending, twisting comedy, whatever comedy is out there.Sandra Bullock

Latinos, Asians, African-Americans, women - we're all trying to find our place in this world of cinema and television and theater. And the great thing with comedy is that most of the time, you could be orange. It doesn't matter, as long you're funny.Sandra Bullock

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.Luis Bunuel

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.George Burns

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.George Burns

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.George Burns

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.George Burns

My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious.Bill Burr

I still remember the first gig where I got people going, it was Rascals in New Jersey, and the place was packed. I was scared. People were expecting me to be funny. I gotta be honest, every time I walk into a club, it's that same fear.Bill Burr