funny quotes

The word 'Spanx' was funny. It made people laugh. No one ever forgot it.Sara Blakely

I hear that I'm funny, and I think I'm funny, but I go in all the time for multicam, and they say that I'm not big enough, or I'm too big. I'm so confused. Okay, well, I'm funny in real life.Kirby Bliss Blanton

'Chappie' would be like 'RoboCop,' but hilarious. If you mixed 'Robocop' with 'E.T.' and it was... funny, that's what it is.Neill Blomkamp

I got to dress up in funny clothes and run around New Zealand with a bow and arrow for 18 months, how bad could that be?Orlando Bloom

If you look at the game and everything, it's not quite like looking at an animated film, because that's total character. This, this is really movement, but it's got funny little things if you look for the humor. They're actually getting to the character.Don Bluth

So to me, Texas Hold 'em puts me to sleep. At least when you play stud, you can be funny as you deal. Somebody some day is going to come up with a Stud show that's going to work.Joseph Bologna

When I was a kid, there was no distinction between a movie about old people or young people. It was either funny or not. It was either entertaining or not. It was either exciting or not. It was either thrilling or not.Joseph Bologna

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.Erma Bombeck

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.Erma Bombeck

Never have more children than you have car windows.Erma Bombeck

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.Erma Bombeck

It's funny, because I'm a man of strong opinions and when I make one, I stand by it even if it starts to appear incorrect to me after a while.Danny Bonaduce

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.Elayne Boosler

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.Elayne Boosler

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?Elayne Boosler

I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone.Elayne Boosler

I've thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment, pure truths not found elsewhere in the news pages, and had the ability to make it all funny, entertaining, and pertinent.Elayne Boosler

All I want to do is write songs about funny characters I made up.Wes Borland

Usually, impersonations come out of something you dig, because you're listening to it over and over. And you kind of start developing... You're really trying to emulate them, then you realize, 'I sound ridiculous doing this. Oh, hey, maybe this is a funny impersonation.'Alex Borstein

I was foreign and Jewish, with a funny name, and was very small and hated sport, a real problem at an English prep school. So the way to get round it was to become the school joker, which I did quite effectively - I was always fooling around to make the people who would otherwise dump me in the loo laugh.Alain de Botton