funny quotes

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.Billy Connolly

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.Billy Connolly

My wife is so funny and talented and never lets anybody fail next to her.Mark Consuelos

My parents were very funny - they didn't know it. But they were. They were actually sharing an IQ.Tim Conway

When you're small, you either are funny, or you get beat up a lot.Tim Conway

Nowadays they have 12 directors and 15 producers and 30 writers. And all the writers want their lines said a certain way-which isn't necessarily funny. I mean the lines aren't necessarily so funny to begin with.Tim Conway

The trick is always to write in pairs because if at least two people find it funny, you've immediately halved the odds of it not being funny.Steve Coogan

I think it's always funny when you see kids do Shakespeare.Steve Coogan

The great thing is that the funny side of getting old is fuel for my comedy.Steve Coogan

If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.Dane Cook

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.Dane Cook

I have never been hurt by what I have not said.Calvin Coolidge

Girls are supposed to be feminine and demure. Comedy isn't about that, so you just have to unlearn it. Certain women are so pretty, they can't go weird enough to be funny. You have to be willing to be ugly. I'm lucky my face can look so hideous.Jennifer Coolidge

It's funny, I never think I'm doing that well. I've never, ever. I just constantly think, 'This isn't working out.'Dominic Cooper

Especially with comedy, you take massive risks because ultimately you're trying to be funny. If you're not funny, then it's really embarrassing and you look stupid.Dominic Cooper

For sheer sexiness, a man must be beautiful. Funny. yes. Clever, no.Jilly Cooper

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.Tommy Cooper

Possibly I've become less funny as I've been happier.Wendy Cope

There is some humour in 'Family Values.' I don't want everyone to think it's not going to make them laugh. But there are quite a lot of poems there that aren't funny at all.Wendy Cope

A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters.Barbara Corcoran