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Ogden Nash quotes

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.

To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.

If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.

Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying then without money?

The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance.

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.

I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.