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Ogden Nash quotes

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.

I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.

Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.

Women would rather be right than reasonable.

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.

I claim there ain't Another Saint As great as Valentine.

To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.

If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.

Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.