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Larry David Quotes

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Larry David quotes

I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline that says, Man Gets Married!

Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.

Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad.

I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.

I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not even interesting to me.

I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.

I tend to stay with the panic. I embrace the panic.

I'm not a person who embraces challenges. I run from challenges. I break world records running from challenges.

There's also a certain rhythm to the way Jews talk that might be funny.

Anytime I'm involved with anything that's well-received, it's a surprise to me.

I don't have many friends.

I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.'

I'm anti-cheese in a salad.

It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas.

The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore.

I don't write shows with dialogue where actors have to memorize dialogue. I write the scenes where we know everything that's going to happen. There's an outline of about seven or eight pages, and then we improvise it.

In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three times as long as service in the regular army, although to be perfectly honest, I was unable to fulfill my entire obligation because I was taking acting classes and they said I could skip my last year.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.