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W. C. Fields quotes
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.