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Eddie Izzard quotes

I'm a one-man idiot.

My stand-up is quite good now, people say. It's just like a big conversation each time. Every gig is a rehearsal.

I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.

Cats have a scam going - you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that's the deal.

I use a Bruce Lee technique: 'The way of no way.' He had the idea that he would learn everything, so that whoever he had to fight, he could improvise anything. The best way of starting a gig is just to not think of anything - to clear your mind, not in an empty Zen state, but more just to go on and see where you go.

Animals in the wild are lean, and I think we should be too.

I try to just talk about human stories and what I think about religion or teapots or whatever.

I wanted to be less well-known in comedy.

If you go down as a comedian's comedian, that's basically meaning other comedians are hopefully feeling that you're doing okay.

There was no religion in my life growing up. Did God invent us or did we invent God?

I mean, sometimes... a comedian becomes an actor, and they just don't deliver, because the bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of acting is to be truthful, and they get that mixed up sometimes, or don't even notice that that's the thing.

I try to keep performing as much as possible - I just like to. I used to take huge gaps off between gigs, now I just like to do stand-up gigs as much as I can.

In stand-up it really helps to play yourself and talk about your own feelings. You cannot fail to be original if you're just talking about what you think about X, Y and Z. Unless you've got a twin brother who's also a stand-up.

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

Never put a sock in a toaster.

If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.

So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!

I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others.

I don't know what it's like in the U.S. but immigrants in the U.K. do the jobs the citizens won't do.