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Andy Rooney quotes

A writer's job is to tell the truth.

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.

Elephants and grandchildren never forget.

Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.

Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.

I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.

Death is a distant rumor to the young.

It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.

Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.

All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.

We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.

The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.