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Ambrose Bierce quotes

Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.

An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.

When you doubt, abstain.

Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.

Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.

History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.

Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.

Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.